Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
