You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
