So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
