how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
