if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
