I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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