The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
