Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
