Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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