Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
