bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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