You made me cry and you don't even care
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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