I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
