drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
