Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
