You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Michael Bay diarrhea
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
