you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
