Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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