I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
