what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
