Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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