so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
be right there i have to get my cape
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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