She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
