I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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