So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
