dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
