I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i think i just lost a toe
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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