I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
