I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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