he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
