DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
