Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
