Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
