Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize