Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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