i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
