Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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