Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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