i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The adults are the big ones right?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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