so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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