We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
