All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
