i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
