I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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