He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
