the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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