I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
