i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
