My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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