I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
