thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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